The first best plan to beat a DUI in Florida requires some cash. Go to your local bank and purchase One Hundred dollars in American Express Money Orders. Purchase the money orders in twenty or twenty five dollar denominations. I recommend American Express because it is a well known and widely trusted financial institution, however, cash or any other widely negotiable instrument will do. I only suggest American Express money orders because they are widely accepted and that is an important aspect of this plan. When you need the money, you do not want to get bogged down in whether your money orders will be recognized or accepted.
Once you have your money orders put them into the secret compartment that is manufactured into every American wallet. If your wallet does not have one of these secret compartments, have someone show you where the secret compartment is located or go and buy a wallet that has one. You are trying to avoid a six or seven thousand dollar criminal prosecution here. Do not let fashion stand in your way. Leave the money orders in the secret compartment. Do not spend that money and do not use it for purchasing alcoholic beverages. Take the wallet everywhere with you.
If you find that you have consumed some volume of alcohol and you have any question about your ability to drive or about whether you are impaired, then call a cab for a ride home. Use the money orders to pay for the cab. If you cannot get home in a cab for less than one hundred dollars, have the cab take you to a motel. Use the money orders for the motel. If you cannot get to a motel for one hundred dollars ask the cab driver to take you to his house. Give the money orders to the cab driver.
If all else fails and you have no other option other than driving, sleep in a park and use the money orders for a blanket. Sleeping in a park will probably cause you to be mugged or arrested. This is where the plan begins to break down. If you get arrested, use the money to bond out of jail. What follows is free legal advice: Do not offer the money to the law enforcement officers. If you wake up to find that you are being attacked, getting mugged or otherwise being molested, throw the money orders at the muggers and run like hell. You might get lucky and discover that your muggers take money orders. If not, (some muggers are not in it for the money) and your muggers don’t take money orders, you are probably in for a rough night. In which case, we should probably talk about your giving up alcohol. If you had not drank so much, you would have probably been able to run a bit faster.
I am not seriously suggesting that you sleep in a park or do something that will get you mugged or arrested, however, I am very serious about suggesting that you do not get behind the wheel of a vehicle, or even into your own back seat, if you are impaired by alcohol. You may feel stupid after being arrested for sleeping in an alley, but that feeling is nothing when compared to the feeling you will get, if you have to look into the grill of your car for pieces of a pedestrian, after you have shredded one. There is nothing like seeing legs sticking out of the front of your grillwork to make you realize that you should have called a cab.
By the way, if your DUI is of the variety that involves evidence of a person’s legs sticking out of the front of your car, then you should know that your legal fees are going to be a tad high.
The smartest way to beat a DUI is to never have one in the first place. It is a completely beatable charge in every case, if your defense starts from the back seat of a taxi.